Abiding with Adonai

  I have this thing. It’s this numbness that I choose.  I don't know why, but the conviction that I feel is heavy. Like so heavy I can't catch my breath.  When I sin, it's almost like I jumped into an ice cold body of water, and am gasping for air.  Or at least that's what it used to feel like.  I remember being a little girl, at a sleepover, and listening to the music my friends were playing.  I didn't even understand what the words were saying to be honest. But my spirit just knew… It knew that I was not supposed to be listening.  It was then I felt the toe of my fleshly desire just slightly dip into the ice cold pool of sin.  One song. Just one cuss word. Just one time… But I hated it. It actually shocked the system of my new self.  I jumped back.  The next day, when my mom picked me up I cried and cried.  I had sinned, and I felt it.  That heavy conviction weighed on me until it was forced to be released in tears as I sat i...

The word of the Lord came to Jeremiah.  The word was the affirming of the anointing over his life.  Before Jeremiah was formed in the womb of His mother, God knew Him.  But not just knew Him.  He knew the innermost parts of Him. He knew his tendencies, his sin cycles, the darkest parts of him.  But yet the word of the Lord came to him.  He didn't withhold the calling on his life because of his shortcomings.  He was appointed before he knew he was appointed.  He was called before he ever heard the calling.  But when hearing what he was called too, Jeremiah doubted.  He did not doubt God.  It wasn't a doubt of God..  He believed that God had the authority to call anyone. But the doubt came from within.  Jeremiah saw the anointing. He heard the calling.  But when he stood face to face in the mirror he saw a young boy.  Unequipped.  Not ready. I get that.  I'm not scared because I'm young.  I'm scared ...

There is this tree right outside my house.  It's so close that Its branches actually touch the front window of the house.  When it's windy, it beats against the window.  It actually can be pretty loud if a strong enough gust comes through.  And to be honest, I actually find a lot of comfort in that sound.  Not because it's pleasing to my ears, or the rhythm of the beating against the window has a nice melody. But because that tree is my go to when chalking up a sound I hear in the house.  Honestly noises that don't even make sense to be attributed to that tree, I sometimes do anyway. It's convenient. When I'm home alone and I hear a moving sound? it's the tree. When I hear a scratch, I think to myself, “it's just the branches”.  And although the comfort I find in blaming the tree feels good at the moment, I can't help but think, what if there was an intruder in my home? What if those moving sounds were actually someone who had broken into my home an...

  Amid Saul's transgressions- While he was still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord- In the act of committing evil- Is met face-to-face with the One Who loves him. Jesus. In His assertive love- reached His hand into the midst of the filth of Saul.  Saul had his own plan for his life that came from the desires of his flesh… Scripture says that he went to the high priest, and asked for letters to the synagogues at Damascus so that if he found any people belonging to “the Way” (Jesus), men or women, he might bring them bound in Jerusalem…  But a human's plan for their life, cannot stand against the reckless Love of the Savior.  When the plan made in the flesh is not aligned with the purpose of one's life, the Love of the Savior will bring realignment. No matter the cost. Jesus abounded in love for Saul. The intensity of the hateful passions of Saul towards Christ did not phase the Savior. As Saul approached Damascus, suddenly a light from he...