A Hungry Heart

 I have these instincts. 

These things that are woven into the fabric of my being.


It’s like this- 

When I'm hungry, I anticipate the next meal that I get to partake in. 

I know that the solution to this hunger in the pit of my stomach will be solved by the nutrients found in a meal. 


My stomach growls. 

My mouth waters. 

My brain races with the flavors of the food. 


I anticipate it. 

I know the food is real. 

It's there. 

It's tangible. 


And so the actions that I make until now and my meal are reflective of the simple fact that I trust it will satisfy me. 


The meal is coming. 

And so, I move through my task a little faster. 

I prepare the ingredients. 

I plate the meal. 


I prepare to eat. 


It's what I need. 

And I trust that this is the solution for the groaning in my stomach. 


My soul does this sometimes. 

It's this groaning in the pit of my heart. 

And I know it's a longing in my deepest innermost being for Jesus. 


It's like it is woven in me. 


And I try. 

I try sometimes to fill it with distraction. 

With sin. 

With anything but Jesus. 

But it's as though I'm swallowing air with the hope of satisfying my hunger. 


The only thing that satisfies me is Jesus. 

Nothing that fills the hole. 

Nothing that quiets my groaning soul. 


Nothing like my Jesus. 


I try for it to not be Him. 

Honestly.


But as hard as I try, it's like He is woven into the makeup of my being. 


It's like He breathed life into me and the only way I can catch my breath is inhaling His goodness. 

It's like I was made in the likeness of His image and the only way I feel purpose is when I'm reflecting His glory. 


And I can't help but think, do I really believe that He is coming back? 

Because I know the nutrients I need are found in tasting and seeing the goodness of God.

But yet, I don't choose Him every time. 


This craving I feel- it's something that runs deeper than the instincts of my flesh.

It's not hunger. Or an itch.

It's different. 


Yet I notice that the groaning is quieted in the secret place. 

And when I read the pages of His word I feel at peace. 


But can I be honest? 

There is something even deeper. 

I feel it even when I am partaking in the things of God.


It's like my heart is beating to a secret rhythm in Heaven. 

Like my blood is flowing at the speed in which the Spirit moves. 

Like my heart is marching to the command of a King. 


Yes. 

A King.


The King.


I think it's the return of My King.

That's the longing.

 

It has to be.


My soul will be eternally fulfilled at the return of my king Jesus. 

That's the solution to my hungry soul. 

And I want to be preparing for His return. 


Abba, would you help me remember that? 

To stay mindful? 

That you're coming back. 

That my life is but a vapor. Not to be filled with passing and meaningless, lesser loves. 

But to be filled with You. 


I don't know why I keep trying to find something better. 

You're it. 

You're everything. 


I confess. 

You're all I need.


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